Carolina on My Mind

Realizations about life, personal and professional


March 2015

Class of 2019

I figured that “Class of 2019” was a much more eloquent title to a blog than “hey y’all, this sh@$ just got real”.  

Last night I attended freshman open house for my oldest, my baby girl. And as I sat in the auditorium listening the the graduation requirements vs. college readiness, the SMOD details, the purpose of “Freshman Focus”, it all went into one of those droning hums like we see on television. While the speakers shared, I had 13.9999 years whizzing by in my mind. And at that moment, I got it. I felt the angst my sister felt just days before as her baby drove away for the first time, I felt the hurt my sweet friend has described preparing for her oldest to go off to college in just a few short months, I got it… I never have before. 

Then it came, the guilt, the sadness, the worry, that I hadn’t been the best I could possibly be for her. That I haven’t given all a mom should give because of work or school or whatever the distraction was on a given day. I heard the words of Jon Harper as he writes about the milestones that pass by each day without celebration and how we should embrace each day with our loved ones. I questioned all I had done for the last 13 years in trying to raise a kind, caring, strong willed young woman. 

Then I turned, and she was there, watching me think. She came, hugged me and kissed me goodnight,  said “I love you Mommy”, and up the stairs she went. There went my baby, a member of the Class of 2019….

The Voices

I hear the voices, chattering, yet I’m not in the fold of the conversation; assumptions made, dismissing me because of presumption that I’m not interested. 

I hear the voices, whispering, afraid to ask the  question, so they remain instead in hushed corners wondering.

I hear the voices, screaming, just do it, take a risk, go for it, but quiet her from inside. 

 I hear the voices, strong and loud, insisting that this world is mine, ready for the taking. 

I hear the voices, demanding, that I get up and give my all to this day. 

I hear the voices, filled with care and compassion, saying everything will be ok, you’ll be great. 

I hear the voices, tired and soft, it’s a new day find and spread happiness any way you can. 

I hear the voices, let’s go…this day awaits……

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